If I denied there was anything that controlled me, I would be a liar. I don’t want to be a liar.
‘Liars’ are ubiquitous in Australia. Its a qualification as the pop-media confirms, an ‘essential criteria’ for a career as politician (particularly party leaders), a cop before a royal commission, a lawyer anywhere but the bar (the one with alcohol) and a shock jock radio host (at any time).
But this is definitely not me today! I am not lying, I AM controlled.
I would love so much to say I am my own person and that NOTHING controls what I say or do… but ME. But I can’t.
Recently I had an epiphany about this.
I concluded my every move was being CONTROLLED including even my thoughts.
When I ate, where I ate, who I had coffee with, what I carried with me, how long I could concentrate, if I drove my own car. I couldn’t walk down the street without the control entering my mind.
I have recently regained control over what activities I engage in and in particular how my body is invaded.
Writing about it is strangely dangerous. My writing is the one thing that is genuinely assisted by me kowtowing to my controller. Research has proved me right about this. (For a fantastic read on this see the link after you have read to the end of this post). I knew being controlled in this way was almost necessary if I wanted to write any sustained, reasonable and informed piece. Writing about my controller draws me closer to him, (I give that gender in the same way they assign to ships, apologies to any offended males at the end of reading this piece by my gender allocation to my controller but there is no way they are female for me and they can certainly not be called an IT, we are too intimate).
That last paragraph complete, my psychological sweating is over, the danger is passed and my hankering to be ‘managed’ while continuing to think myself free has dissipated.
My controller is banished…………………….He has been gone for 7 weeks.
My son told me I sounded like I had Stockholm Syndrome as I relayed how, despite recognising I had been under supreme control, I had shaken him and now felt I had lost a true friend……………. I really missed my controlling captor.
It IS Stockholm Syndrome…..
In order for Stockholm syndrome to occur, at least three traits must be present:
- A severely uneven power relationship where the captor dictates what the prisoner can and cannot do…….TICK
- The threat of death or physical injury to the prisoner at the hands of the captor………………TICK
- A self-preservation instinct on the part of the prisoner………..TICK
Included in these traits are:
- The prisoner’s belief (correct or incorrect, it doesn’t matter) that he or she cannot escape………TICK
- Survival occurs within the rules set by the all-powerful captor………..TICK
- The prisoner’s isolation from people not being held by the captors…TICK
- Outside views of the captor fail to infringe on the psychological processes leading to Stockholm syndrome….TICK
I have now determined (in conjunction with my clever friend who pointed the similarities of my situation to those of SS) that a new therapy for
NICOTINE addicts should mirror that used to cure Stockholm Syndrome! I am still in love with my captor.