It has been a very long last few years.
I knew these years would bring challenges, so in some way I was prepared.

It was clear without a crystal ball that my body would start to let me down. Cars I’d driven had sent metaphors as their aging engines cried messages of despair in the form of woefully expensive, grinding and scraping noises.

I had also noticed I was becoming even more cynical as my naturally occurring questioning nature vocalised and was met with silence, sighs and sneers. Youth has its way of merrily tripping along without realising there will come a time when the smiling fresh face is gone and people are more ready to ignore, dismiss or even revile you. I recognised inevitably this was my path and there were things I should do to make it easier on myself apart from being more like a reed and able to bend in the breezes of my future.

I would need to push myself to stay in touch.

Particularly with the pace of technology, through continuing to learn and develop new skills to prevent me being left behind in a dusty technology museum. I was determined to try to keep up with innovations. Not those so called innovations that are merely a cover for commercial expansion but the ones capable of taking on corporate environmental plundering.

My drive to continue to evolve as a human being was tempered by a natural desire for less stress. The way I managed this apparent was to explore things that would balance the effort of striving to maintain relevance in a world that was becoming less familiar. Some of these ‘things’ were very familiar – I just got tougher with implementing them. I was clearer with the boundaries I placed on what I would (or would not) be involved in and who I would (or would not) mix with to prioritise where my energies would go. Others ‘things’ were those I’d always known about and maybe even dabbled in. I pressed on with trying harder at meditation, dragging out my pilates and yoga books (things that were old are new again) while maintaining a distance so as not to be “too weird” or selfist about it all. I couldn’t bring myself to ‘join’ a group for example that was just not me, so the internet was just perfect. This made me more tech savvy and gave me some great sites to help with the meditation.

But this was and is not the real challenge. The real challenge has always been to be part of a cohort called humanity, and for me on this level ‘it has been a very long few years’.

My ‘interests’ have clearly been honed by what has happened over this time. The seeds however were planted by nature many years before. Seeds of inquisitiveness, interest in ‘the other’, an innate sense of fairness and a capacity for flexibility. These seeds grew through experiences of a safe and nurtured childhood, free education, first world subsidised healthcare and ‘privilege’ – all this, in what I have always called an overtly unfair world.

From crying “But it’s not fair!” as a female, middle child between two boys, through studying Social Work in my 20’s to enable me to foster social change in a society that forgot its underclass, to actions in that same field, the last ten years has raised the bar on ‘unfair’. It has been the most challenging in terms of maintaining any hope about humanity’s capacity to evolve to a more peaceful, Gaia focussed, ethical planet species.

These last few years have been my most reflective. In spite of my training and work experiences where sound reflection is part of the business, I admit this is also the domain of ageing. To reflect honestly on yourself and your choices, to be prepared to be wrong, to be prepared to accept that things you took for granted are just that -taken for granted and to be prepared to leap, as the blank rune says, “empty handed into the void” of new life pathways is a goal worth working on.

Reflection about others is where it gets complicated. Looking at what is happening around us it hasn’t been rosy. One challenge is the changed state of mainstream news, a place where most people got their fact and analysis about what was happening around them, both locally and more broadly. I possibly say apparent changed state, because I’m uncertain how much of this observation is is a result of me changing and becoming more picky or grumpy as I age. In my favour I am supported in my belief that the media is more of a propaganda machine these days due to concentrated media ownership and the exposed corporate political and social agendas by many freelance journalists. At a local level, newspapers have become more like broadsheets with more ads than ever before (possibly to shore up dwindling sales). They are less likely to be read as the internet has grasped much of their younger readership. It also appears articles have less fact, more conjecture and are less likely to have any analysis at all. There is not enough space here to go into the state of the Murdoch empire, suffice to say I rest my case.

In the communication space that is the internet I find myself sucked into the matrix of trolls, shills and shots of cats turning themselves inside out. Where is this all leading? Why are people appearing to be so disconnected that they can abuse each other so blatantly. More importantly why do people appear to be so angry. The ‘one step removed’ circumstances of the net allow a vicarious relationship which does not necessitate being polite it does however invite the opposite. If you do not have to face any community repercussions and the worst that can happen is you are sent to virtual Coventry then who cares when you can tap tap tap your way back into someone else’s space and do the same thing again. The questions become What are my ethics? Where do I stand.

The incessant wars and stories of ‘evil’. The angels and faeries in pink tu-tu’s. What the hell is going on. Rational, constructive discussion and debate is pure gold when you find it. The destruction of rational humanity the fibre of what we believed was a ‘civilised’ educated advancing human net of security and safety without bars, locks, privacy documents, legislation, and the need to have a gun. Where the hell is it?

“Who will choose to go the route of total disintegration into the data stream?  Who will fight like a cornered wolf when they come to take you away?  Who will be happy to release all mortal concerns of the physical dimension of time and space?  Who believes that it is the very experiences garnered in this temporal reality that shapes and molds (sic) who we are?  Who is ready to give up on the flesh and blood?  Who is ready to die for the right to continue living as a human vessel?  The time is coming very soon when such questions as these will be answered.  One way or another.  With a screen going black and human destiny blipping out of existence.  Or with a bloody war in the streets”.
Zero Point by Scott Thomas Outlar / July 18th, 2014

The prose fits exactly with where I was going, thanks Scott. The sentiment of where your path will take you when such clear lines have been drawn. I blame Bush for this black/white “if yeohr nart with us then yeohr a terrist” talk. The us and them narrative that drove the last 13 years. My response was probably similar to many. Bush II’s stupidity was certainly unparalleled in my time, but the stupidity was believable. After all he was American and en mass we heard how ignorant about the world and indeed life so many seemed to be. Their geography was appalling i – Australia was Austria, their maths was singular, and for a people who want us to believe they sent the first man to the moon and back the recent finding that one quarter of them did not know the earth circled the sun was frightening.ii As George Snr’s son and another obscenely rich Texan. I suppose I thought his rhetoric could never take off, but it flew.
“Take sides.  Draw lines.  Prepare.  Civil uprising is nearly here.  Mass chaos is sure to happen.  All the cards have been laid on the table.  We see exactly what the social engineers have planned.  Some of us don’t dig it very much.  No me gusta.  We will ask politely that they stop.  But they won’t.  And so we will have to destroy them before they destroy us.  That’s the meat of the matter.  And the potatoes, too.  Wicked creatures will never cease their wicked ways until they are deader than a door nail.  If we must, we will accommodate them along the path toward reaching such an inorganic state of being”.
Zero Point by Scott Thomas Outlar / July 18th, 2014

I read this and I hear Israel’s behind closed door zionist beliefs surface more publically as they become more assured of their world position and shatter Gaza once again.

What I really believe is the difference between civilised, savage and oppressive humans is the civilised human does not kill his own species (or indeed other species perhaps), the savage kills because he sees less options and the oppressive human takes delight in the misery and pain of those who will not bow.

So with my body holding in there reasonably well, my mind is focused on dispelling the everyday myth dichotomy of “with us or agin us” and introducing the policy of naming and shaming the oppressor.





This is a poem I composed using the Fibonacci Sequence to play with the tempo. It is a rise and rise comment on the status of the Indigenous man in the Northern Territory of Australia. The number in front of the line is the number of syllables in that line of the poem. Don’t read it if you read poetry out loud (as I like to). The numbers form a Fibonacci sequence

With the current genocidal actions of Israel over Palestinians I am quickly brought back home and the parallels with Indigenous people in the Northern Territory of Australia filter through. Genocide too just gone about in a different way over time. Our way has been a more enduring story of Genocide started by a white man in a boat. The recent history for Indigenous Australians has been a sad history. This story was told to me by a guy I worked with. He had been waiting for a KFC order when a ‘long grasser’ (The pejorative for itinerant and homeless Aboriginal and Torres Straight Islander peoples in Darwin)  “just walked in” and took two cokes from the self server machine. It was the strength of the Aboriginal man and the power of realising the situation that occurred at KFC was so affirming of his rights that inspired these words.

0      …………….
1      Here,
1      Now,
2      Shadow
3      Shadow man
5      Waiting to be seen
8      A vision in his own country
5      Waiting to be heard
3      Shadow man
2      Hear him..
1      Now!
1      No
0      ……..
1      YES!
1      Here?
2      He’s in
3      Kay Eff See
5      Slips in, no money
8      Two cokes ‘in a cup’ from machine
13    Slips out, unquestioned, unperturbed, the black shadow man
8      Disturbed hunter gatherer man
5      And you were disturbed
3      You saw him
2      Yes you
1      You
1      Did

0      Zero
1      Zilch
1      Sat
2      Thinking
3      Wondering…
5      How dare he walk in?
8      Just steal without blinking an eye?
13    You stole. He saw you. He spoke to you too many times
22    Your ears did not hear, he was nothing to you- Shadow man in the night walks his land without fear
13    Remember when you called his home ‘Terra Nulious’
8      You behaved so superior
5      He was the savage
3      Remember?
2      Thirsty?
1      He
1      Showed
1      You
1      Up
2      He shared
3      Clean, cool water
5      When you were thirsty
8      Shadow man showed his water holes
13    You poisoned them. Stole his mother earth, Stole his children
21    Stole his future, ignored his culture, stripped his manhood, hunter gatherer, son, husband, dad
34    Shadow gathering, no shame. His action pushes you into your shadow. You push it back in your mind afraid to challenge. Uncomfortable?
21    Unconscious, dissociated, repressed what was once part of you, but the split caused pain
13    I am uncomfortable that he wanted a Coke
8      There are some fairly simple ways
5      To re-Integrate
3      Your shadow

2      Side
1      Shadow
1      Man?
0      ………………………………………………….

Let’s take a closer view of ourselves and our separate matrix. In 1971 the American anthropologist Nancy Lurie called native North Americans heavy and harmful public drinking “the world’s oldest ongoing protest demonstration”, describing it as a “protest in order to maintain the Indian–white boundary”.  and Anna Krien, in an article she wrote for the ‘Monthly’ in 2011 after observing the situation in Australia’s Northern Territory, “The nihilism that accompanies these alcohol-fuelled stories is a rejection of us, of this society…… The river of grog flows between us.” see here

The “theft” of the Cokes is not an act of nihilism its an act of anarchism and all power to KFC shadow man- next time maybe you will not only be noticed you will be applauded and someone will buy you breakfast because they will have integrated their own shadow.